The Truth About Letting Go That No One Tells You
Why We Hold On (and How to Let Go Without Breaking Your Heart)
Letting go sounds like something you do on a weekend: clean out the garage, delete old emails, finally say goodbye to the jeans that haven’t fit since 2009.
But if you're neurodivergent—living with ADHD, autism, or both—letting go often means way more than making space in a closet. It means wrestling with beliefs, identities, memories, and coping strategies that once helped us feel safe... and now might be keeping us stuck.
Letting go isn’t just about clearing space. It’s about releasing the mental weight we’ve been dragging around for years. Beliefs like “I have to be perfect to be accepted” or “If I fail, I’ll lose everything.” These aren’t just ideas—they’re survival strategies wrapped in shame, fear, and sometimes even pride.
So if you’ve ever felt like holding on to that clutter—physical or emotional—is somehow easier than facing what might happen if you let go?
Yeah. You're not alone.
Let’s talk about why we grip so tightly, and how to loosen that grip with care—not force.
The Conversations That Keep Us Holding On
Whether it’s an object, a goal, a version of ourselves, or a belief about how the world works—we hang on because something inside us is whispering, “You need this to be okay.”
Here are just a few of the inner conversations that keep us stuck:
Perfectionism
The voice says:
“If I get it right, they’ll accept me.” “Mistakes are dangerous.” “I only feel okay when things are perfect.”
This often shows up in school, work, or even friendships—when our brains have been taught that belonging is conditional.
Fear of Failure
The voice says:
“If I don’t try, I can’t fail.” “Better to stay stuck than prove I’m not enough.” “People like me don’t succeed anyway.”
Underneath that? A deep need to avoid shame, disappointment, or being seen as a “burden.”
Fear of Rejection
The voice says:
“If they knew the real me, they’d leave.” “I have to shrink or mask to keep people close.” “My needs are too much.”
For neurodivergent folks, especially those who’ve been misunderstood for years, rejection can feel like a confirmation of what we feared all along.
And yes, this shows up with physical stuff too:
“I might need this someday.” (Translation: I don’t trust that I’ll have what I need when I need it.)
“It’s part of who I am.” (Translation: If I let this go, who will I be?)
“Someone gave this to me.” (Translation: If I let go, I’m dishonoring the relationship.)
So How Do We Let Go—Gently?
You don’t bulldoze your way through this kind of clutter. You sit down beside it and start a conversation.
Step-by-Step: Letting Go Without Breaking Your Heart
1. Name What You’re Carrying—and Why
Whether it’s perfectionism, a pile of unopened mail, or an old coping strategy… stop and ask:
What story does this tell about me?
What fear is tied to it?
What part of me is it trying to protect?
This isn’t about judging or fixing. It’s about recognizing that you’ve been loyal to this thing for a reason.
2. Acknowledge the Fear
Ask:
What am I afraid will happen if I let this go?
What am I afraid it says about me?
Whether it's fear of failing, being seen, losing identity, or not being prepared—let that fear speak.
You’re not feeding it. You’re witnessing it.
3. Reassure the Scared Part, Don’t Argue With It
You can’t logic your way out of emotional attachment. You have to offer comfort.
Try replacing the old thoughts with something more grounded:
Old: “If I mess this up, I’ll disappoint everyone.” New: “I can mess up and still be worthy of love.”
Old: “If I throw this out, I’m wasteful.” New: “Letting go is choosing what matters to me now.”
Old: “If I stop trying to be perfect, people will leave.” New: “People who stay because I’m real are the ones I want close.”
4. Try a Tiny Experiment
Pick one small, low-risk thing to let go of:
Do a task imperfectly—and leave it.
Say “no” when your instinct is to people-please.
Toss something that makes you feel guilty every time you see it.
Then pause. Notice what didn’t happen. No lightning bolts. No shame avalanche. Just you… still here. Still okay.
Your brain needs proof that it’s safe to change.
5. Use the Three-Pile Strategy (For Thoughts or Things)
When something feels hard to release, give yourself permission to be undecided.
Keep – it fits who I am now, and I feel good having it.
Let Go – it’s weighing me down or keeping me small.
Hold for Review – I’m not ready yet. I’ll revisit in 30 days.
This works just as well for beliefs and behaviors as it does for old T-shirts.
6. Grieve the Part You’re Releasing
Letting go means saying goodbye. Not just to the object, or habit, or thought—but to who you were when you needed it.
You can say:
“Thank you for helping me survive. I don’t need you the same way anymore.”
That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.
7. Practice the New Voice
This is where it sticks. Every time the old voice comes back—and it will—you gently respond:
“I’m safe now.”
“I trust myself more than I used to.”
“I can grow without punishing myself.”
This isn’t about deleting the old story. It’s about choosing not to let it drive the bus anymore.
The Bottom Line
Letting go—whether it’s a belief, an identity, a defense mechanism, or just an old hoodie—isn’t about becoming someone else.
It’s about becoming more of who you already are, underneath the fear.
You’re not throwing away your past. You’re choosing to carry forward what actually fits your life now.
So if you're standing at the edge of letting go and it feels scary?
You're not doing it wrong.
You're just human. And you're ready.
If this resonated with you, I’d love for you to have the companion workbook I put together. It’s like having a steady hand on your shoulder while you walk through the letting go process—at your own speed, with no pressure. Paid subscribers get instant access to it, and honestly, I made it because I know how hard this work can feel sometimes. You don’t have to do it alone. Come join us.
Want the printable workbook and reflection guide? Upgrade to a paid subscription to get instant access.
Welcome, friend.
I’m so glad you’re here.
Below is your Letting Go Without Breaking Your Heart workbook—designed to help you slow down, breathe, and walk yourself through the process of releasing what’s been weighing you down, one small, kind step at a time.
Take your time with it. There's no race. This is about honoring your growth, not rushing it.