Is It Still Rude If Someone With Autism Does it?

Jun 21, 2025

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There’s this thing that happens a lot if you’re autistic (or ADHD, or both):

You say something direct, or interrupt, or don’t read a social cue fast enough... and suddenly, someone’s mad at you. Or worse, they call you rude.

But here’s the problem:

Rudeness isn’t about what you meant.

It’s about how other people interpret what happened.

Which means:

Even if your brain is wired for honesty or speed or bluntness, some folks will still take it personally.

Not because you were cruel.

But because they were expecting a different kind of dance. And you showed up doing your own choreography.

That doesn’t make you bad. Or broken. Or mean.

It makes you misunderstood.

Let’s be clear about something

Autism explains behavior.

It doesn’t excuse cruelty.

But most of the time, you’re not being cruel. You’re just… being you. Unfiltered. Literal. Honest. Maybe overloaded. Maybe trying your best.

And here’s the truth:

Intent matters.

If you weren’t trying to be hurtful, you don’t deserve to carry shame like a backpack full of bricks.

Impact matters too.

If someone was hurt, that’s real. But it’s not proof that you’re a bad person. It’s just a sign that communication broke down.

And growth matters most.

If you want to build stronger connections, you can learn some translation tools. Just like anyone learning a second language.

What the word rude misses

The word rude is a shortcut.

And like most shortcuts, it skips the good stuff:

The curiosity.

The compassion.

The context.

It’s a snap judgment. Fast and convenient.

But convenience isn't the same as clarity.

It doesn’t ask:

“What was this person trying to communicate?”
“What might have made that moment hard?”
“What’s the story under the surface?”

Instead, rude stamps a label where a question mark should be.

It turns a moment of miscommunication into a character flaw.

It freezes someone in their worst second, rather than asking who they are in the next breath.

And for autistic folks, especially those wired for honesty or overwhelmed by invisible rules, rude is often used like a gavel.

Quick to land. Slow to lift.

A better question

If you slow down,

if you listen underneath the surface,

you usually find something far more human than hostile.

Maybe it’s someone panicking.

Maybe it’s someone trying.

Maybe it’s someone not sure how to show care in the way others expect, but still full of it.

So let’s not reach for the shortcut.

Let’s reach for the story.

Because what looks like rudeness is often just a missed connection… waiting to be rewritten.

If you’ve ever been accused of rudeness when your heart was actually doing somersaults trying to connect...

You’re not the problem.

You’re just dancing to a rhythm they haven’t learned to hear.

What about you?

Ever been called rude for something your brain didn’t mean that way?

Drop a comment. I’d love to hear your story.

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