10 Ways to Build Confidence When Your ADHD Brain Forgets You Can

Jun 20, 2025

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Confidence gets slippery when you have ADHD. One minute you’re on top of the world because you remembered to put the laundry in the dryer. The next, you’re spiraling because, yep, it’s been sitting there for two days. Again.

Here’s what most people miss: ADHD isn’t a lack of confidence problem. It’s a remembering what went well problem. When your brain mostly remembers the chaos, it’s no wonder you feel like a mess.

So let’s tweak that.

These 10 tools are made for brains like ours: clear, kind, and honest about how we work. No lectures, no pressure to be someone you're not. Just small shifts to remind you you're capable, even when you forget.

1. Name Your Wins Out Loud (Even the Tiny Ones)

ADHD brains often hit “delete” on yesterday’s successes and obsess over today’s unfinished mess. That’s not failure. That’s forgetfulness with a side of self-doubt. Speaking your wins out loud, even the awkward little ones, reminds your brain what it's actually done.

Example: “I called the dentist today after putting it off for three months. I didn’t die. I deserve a parade, or at least a snack. Maybe just sitting with the feeling of success for a while. That in itself feels pretty darn good.”

2. Say “I’m Learning” Instead of “I Suck”

Words matter. “I suck” shuts the door. “I’m learning” leaves the light on. It reminds you that you’re still moving, even if it’s sideways or slow.

Example: Instead of “Ugh, I always forget appointments,” try “I’m learning to use calendar reminders to support my memory.”

3. Set Goals So Clear You Can’t Miss Them

Vague goals feel like walking through fog in flip-flops. ADHD needs clarity. A goal should be so specific your brain can point to it and say, “Yep. That.”

Example: Swap “Get stuff done today” with “Reply to two emails before lunch, take a 20-minute walk, and chop one veggie for dinner.”

4. Stop Should-ing on Yourself

“Should” is guilt in disguise. And guilt doesn’t get the dishes done. Trade it for “could” or “want to” and give your brain a little breathing room.

Example: “I should clean the whole house” becomes “I could start with the dishwasher, and that’s enough for today.”

5. Create a ‘Proof I Can’ Folder

Confidence fades when your brain forgets what you’ve survived. Save your wins. Screenshot kind words. Write down the times you did the hard thing. Keep receipts.

Example: Screenshot a kind message from a coworker that says, “You explained that so clearly.” Drop it in a folder called “Hell Yeah, I Can.” I do this with testimonials from clients and glowing comments on my articles.

6. Be Curious, Not Cruel

Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” ask, “What made this hard?” That one shift can turn shame into understanding, and understanding builds trust with yourself.

Example: “Why can’t I do the laundry like a normal person?” becomes “Was I stuck deciding what to wash first, or just out of mental energy?”

7. Do Stuff That Makes You Feel Competent

You don’t have to struggle to earn confidence. You can grow it by spending time where you shine. That niche interest? That oddly specific talent? That counts.

Example: “When I organize my books by color or theme, I feel like a creative genius. That confidence carries over.”

8. Build Micro-Momentum

Forget motivation. Focus on motion. Starting small trains your brain to expect movement, even if it’s just lighting a candle or opening a tab. Every ocean contains countless drops sticking together. Allow these micro-wins to build.

Example: “Every morning, I light a cinnamon candle, hit play on my ‘Deep Focus’ playlist, and open my notes app for my daily brain dump. Even if I don’t finish anything, I’ve begun.”

9. Find People Who Get Your Brain

Being understood shouldn’t feel like a luxury. Find the ones who say, “Same,” and mean it. That’s where belonging starts, and where confidence grows.

Example: After venting to a fellow ADHDer about forgetting your lunch again, they say, “Yep. Did that Tuesday. Want me to help you make a backup snack stash plan?”

10. Talk to Yourself Like Someone You Love

Your brain doesn’t need a drill sergeant. It needs a soft voice that says, “You’re trying. You’re still here. I’m proud of you.” That voice can be yours.

Example: “Hey, you tried. You showed up. That counts. You’re not lazy. You’re overwhelmed and doing your best. Let’s rest and try again tomorrow.”

Which one felt like it was written just for you?

Drop a comment, save it for later, or say it out loud like a quiet promise:

“I’m not broken. I’m building trust with my brain.”

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